The saga of sincere intent, yet unfinished agenda

Deepanshu Sharma

Everyone knows at least someone who wants to stop smoking, and even though most of these folks are really convinced about it, they just can’t do it successfully. The same applies to exercise, hobbies, anger management, seeking a new qualification and all such goals which are very dear, yet so far (not trying to sound poetic). This article will try to understand this phenomenon, and propose a few simple steps which could help you become more effective in driving the change you desire.

As per the study published by John Norcross and his colleagues in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, 50% of the population makes resolutions each new year. It is anybody’s guess on how many stick to it beyond the first two weeks. Scientists and researchers have proposed many models, such as the 21 day rule, to help you stay true to your resolutions, yet few succeed.

I can speak about this with confidence and authority because I have tremendous amount of experience across ‘projects’, over time. So many instruments picked-up, so many games played… but, before I go any further, I do want to place on record that I was really interested and committed to each one of these, and yet, they fizzled out for one excuse or another. Or at least what seemed like an excuse.

One part of me said, “you lack will power”, and my mom readily agreed. Another part of me said, “I don’t have the time, due to exams / work / family pressures, etc.”. The reasons kept changing over time, given the context and phase of life. There was the intent, the commitment and certainly the interest, but then why was it that what started so enthusiastically didn’t continue with the same gusto? Something didn’t match-up!

I analysed the experience of several executives I coached - with the intent of finding a trend among those who succeeded in driving change. Three commonalities stand out across board - which I call it the P2C model:

Personal – It is imperative to align your goals with what’s really important for you. If there is a mismatch or a faulty connection, sooner or later the effort will start waning or just stop all of a sudden. This clarity of intent requires deep thought, unbiased and unadulterated by peer pressure, or someone else’s motivations. It needs to hold significant meaning for you personally. “I need to exercise, because my friends have joined a gym, or my office offers me a gym reimbursement” versus, “I need to exercise, because I will feel better, look better or perform better”. The same can be applied to “office gives me a golf club membership so I must take it” versus, “I want to learn/play golf”.  It has to be personal. It has to be yours.

Challenging – Most projects discontinue because you set very easy goals or milestones and feel satisfied too soon. Be mindful of what makes you ‘happy’ versus what makes you ‘satisfied’ – the human mind is very animal-like in most situations. So long as you get a candy you continue to jump the hoops. The moment the candy supply stops, the jumping stops. The trick is to feel happy with the progress, but not satisfied enough, so that you continue to make the effort. While celebrating too early can signal completion, not celebrating at all may mean no satisfaction at all. Hence no signals to the rational brain that you are benefitting.

Coach – Is there a goal showing up in your resolutions list over time? Do you keep getting the same feedback from your boss, peers, family members, friends over and over again? Is there a keen desire, or a goal which you feel will set you free, make you very happy or make you more successful? If you notice either of these, then it’s a sure sign that you have to introspect and take action – connect the dots between Intent, Commitment and Action. This is where a coach can be a great resource. An expert to lean on. when you need help to introspect, reflect, plan, and also when you need help to stay on course. You remain the captain of your own flight and the coach becomes your co-pilot, till the new habit reaches the auto-pilot stage. Choose a trained coach, who you can feel comfortable with so as to open up with your motivations and fears, without feeling the pressure of being judged. And then, leave it to the coach to guide you through a structured process.

You must traverse the journey to your destination, but you could use a coach as the guardrail - to help you navigate through the twists and turns, and to keep you on track.

Good luck with your journey!

#coaching #growth #learning #potential #leadership